Nouvelles en trois lignes

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Catchfire Catchfire's picture
Nouvelles en trois lignes

Dandy, anarchist, master of le mot juste, and critic of genius, Félix Fénéon published short news stories in Parisian paper Le Matin in 1906. He called them Nouvelles en trois lignes which can be translated as either "News in three lines" or "Novellas in three lines." These faits-divers were a popular genre of the period, but no one produced them with quite the poetic verve, concision, irony, humour and depth of Fénéon. I've been reading a lot of them lately--they have a haiku-like quality, but they are also emphatically journalistic, immediate and singular. Here are a few mof my recent favourites:

Quote:
"If my candidate loses, I will kill myself," M. Bellavoie, of Fresquienne, Seine-Inférieure, had declared. He killed himself.

A certain madwoman arrested downtown falsely claimed to be nurse Elise Bachmann. The latter is perfectly sane.

In a café on Rue Fontaine, Vautour, Lenoir and Atanis exchanged a few bullets regarding their wives, who were not present.

The May Day celebration in Lorient was noisy, but not a hint of violence gave the slightest cause for police intervention.

Strikers in Ronchamp, Haute-Saône, threw in a river a worker who insisted on continuing his labour.

Both hit, she by a streetcar, he by an automobile, Marie Chevallier, 10, of Le Mans, and Le Franc, 3, of Vannes, are dead.

Sailor Renaud carried out a suicide pact with his mistress, in Toulon. Their last request: a coffin for two, or at least a double grave.

Because of his fidgeting, police in Brest decided séances held by the bard Artigues, a candidate, were not campaign-related. Summons and fine.

Again and again Mme Couderc, of Saint-Ouen, was prevented from hanging herself from her window bolt. Exasperated, she fled across the fields.

Any babblers like to try their hand at one of these?

Issues Pages: 
Unionist

Unionist, reflecting on past literary misadventures, courteously declined to touch Catchfire's challenge with his pole of 3.048 metres.

ebodyknows ebodyknows's picture

and people think twitter is new.

Unionist

Nouvelles en cent quarante caractères! Brilliant, ebodyknows!

Cytizen H

Prominent former attorney general Michale Bryant murdered a cyclist with his automible. The victim was later found guilty.

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

Ha!

After two weeks on the job, Keith Blair Manuel, of Eunice, Louisiana, died in an oil rig explosion. With no remains recovered, friends and family interred a memory box of some of his favorite items.

Unionist

Bored suburbanites deposit bomb in bank and withdraw in SUV.

 

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

Dennis Hopper, of Venice, California, once wrote a movie in which two free spirits drive to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. He died of prostate cancer.

ebodyknows ebodyknows's picture

I joined the end of bikes on bloor yesterday as they passed me at lansdowne, by the time we got to queens park I still hadn't been able to reach the front of the ride. Bike week is fun.*

 

*sorry I couldn't help but do it twitter style and make it a trivial update about my everyday life.

 

Cytizen H

Fearing Palestinian self determination and upholding its tradition of human rights violations Israel attacked an aid flotilla headed for Gaza. The act resulted in many deaths and global anger.

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

Kevin Neish, of Victoria, boarded a Turkish boat hoping to serve as a human shield. In the middle of the night, Israeli commandos ensured he got his wish.

al-Qa'bong

In a carefully-worded statement regarding the incident between Israeli commandos and an aid convoy, Jack Layton expressed regret over the deaths "sustained as a result of the raid." The NDP leader's irrelevance was unharmed by the comment.

Weltschmerz

Despite the IDF's use of paintball guns to thwart suicide activists, certain individuals still managed to get themselves killed.

kropotkin1951 kropotkin1951's picture

IDF deploys deadly new paint ball technology.  Newest paint gun upgrades allow for simultaneous firing of live ammo and paint cartridges.  

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

The province of Ontario agreed to expand police powers, making it illegal to stand near a fence. Chief Bill Blair was said to be very pleased. A 31-year old man was subsequently arrested.

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

This web comic, based on the police log of the Caramel Pine Cone, reminded me of this thread.

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

On Friday, many local shopping establishments opened earlier than usual. Riots ensued. A negligble number of citizens were trampled.

Unionist

New study concludes that most news stories are TLTR.