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Harper backs down on long form census

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Cross-posted from Catch 22 Harper Conservatives

Memo from: Statistics Canada

To: All Canadians

Subject: Mandatory long form census

Due to mounting partisan pressure from peeping toms who want to know your favorite sex position, whether you pee sitting or standing and how many chai lattes you drink every week, our great leader PM Stephen Harper has agreed to reinstate the mandatory long form census. All households that receive the new long form, are now required to follow the instructions and complete the survey. We apologize for violating your privacy and wasting your time.

Below you will find the new Section A which allows for exemptions to households that meet very stringent criteria.

Note: Those who do not complete the survey are subject to arbitrary arrest, detention and severe penalties. An additional $1 billion in enforcement and security has been budgeted for this census.

Quote:

A. Political survey

1) Did you vote Conservative in the last election?

If yes, thank you. You have finished the long form census. If no, continue.

2) Do you donate money to the Conservative party?

If yes, thank you. You have finished the long form census. If no, continue.

3) Are you considering voting Conservative in the next election?

If yes, thank you. You have finished the long form census. If no, continue.

4) Did you vote at all in the last election?

If yes, continue to Q5. If no, continue to Q6.

5) Did you vote for the socialists, separatists, corrupt spawn of Trudeau or tree huggers in the last election?

If yes, continue to complete survey. If no, continue to Q6.

6) In the next election, will you be voting for the socialists, separatists, corrupt spawn of Trudeau or tree huggers?

If yes, continue to complete survey. If no, thank you. You have finished the long form census.

7) Have you ever thought that the census questions were nobody's business but your own?

If yes, thank you. You have finished the long form census. If no, continue.

8) If you could get out of completing the rest of this census by voting for the Conservatives in the next election, would you do so?

If yes, thank you. You have finished the long form census. If no, continue to complete the rest of this invasive census.

The rest of the long form can be found here.

Cross-posted from Catch 22 Harper Conservatives

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